I have spent almost 17 hours waiting for an MRI. The nurses woke me up because they thought that I should be ready for it. Like I said, it took almost 17 hours before I finally got the chance to be diagnosed. I took labored strides through the eerie hospital hallways at about 1 AM. One thing I noticed was that the floor was waxed with a high gloss shine.
I believe that the MRI is one efficient diagnostic machine, but it’s no pleasure cruise. I have undergone about four MRIs before, but I am not the kind of person who would just act as if the whole diagnostic process was the best thing for me. Claustrophobics, like me, couldn’t wait for the diagnostics to be over. By the time I arrived at the room, they jammed the earplugs in, and slid the tube in.
I learned a few games before I could get through the long thirty-minute diagnosis. Just on my recent MRI session, I could wear headphones, and choose the music I want to be played. I surprised the technician when I had gone for heavy metal. He must have thought of Celia and Kapono by then. Honestly, I dont know the reason why I chose the music myself. Although I have a soft spot for Led Zeppelin, I don’t usually resort to heavy metal.
Now I did have a thought when they slid me in the tube. What do they do with buffet molesters when they need a diagnostic test? I go about 230 pounds or so, which doesn’t make me small by any means, but I can tell you that if you are any bigger than say…two fitty…you’d need to take a shower in KY (err…petroleum jilly) to get in the machine. These thoughts were reinforced when I returned to the room later and tuned in to an Oprah weight loss special, where many of the whale walkers lost the equivalent of a whole other person.
Yesterday afternoon, I had a phone call from my friend, Jeremiah.
He asked me if I would like to take a bite on a grande chimichanga plate from a San Jose joint. He also told me that if I couldn’t take it just that easy, I could go for a $8.99-colon cleanse. I decided that I shouldn’t resort to the street medicine for now, but honestly, it gave me a pretty good laugh.
And like Jeremiah says, “you need Big Kahuna tools in your arsenal too, because sometimes you don”t want to get your clothes dirty.”
I agree, especially in the condition I’m in now.